I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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