Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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