sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
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Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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