i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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