I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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