I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize