guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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