This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
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I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
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Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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