I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize