Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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