so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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