The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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