6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
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He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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