I can text with my tongue
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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