one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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