I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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