dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize