I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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