Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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