every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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