I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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