i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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