I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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