just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
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So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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So vagazzling was a success
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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