A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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