Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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