he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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