This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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