That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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