I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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