There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize