can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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