I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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