oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize