Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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