so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
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The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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