i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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