So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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