Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i think i have two assholes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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