Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
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i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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