Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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