Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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