A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize