I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
last night I used snow as a chaser
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize