And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
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the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize