Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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