I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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