I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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