Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize