i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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